you are the untold love story of my life
by midnightsolitaire
Summary: Natasha died believing she had nothing to live for. It will always be Steve's greatest regret that he has failed to show her that she had always had him. [ENDGAME SPOILERS]


Major spoilers for Avengers: Endgame.

After I watched the movie I was completely speechless and depressed and harboring mixed emotions. Movie-wise I think it was great. But character-wise, I've gotta say I was extremely disappointed. I think each of their endings made sense. But being a Romanogers shipper, it completely shattered my heart knowing Natasha died for real and Steve has always loved Peggy all this time. I was truly expecting - I even prayed while watching - for a Romanogers endgame. But hell, I came out of the cinema wishing Endgame didn't exist. That's how truly heartbroken and hollow I was, especially since Natasha is my favorite character in the MCU. And I've stanned Steve/Natasha ever since I first saw them together in this universe.

So here's a little remedy, for my heart - and hopefully for all other brokenhearted Romanogers fans like me. It's mostly canon-compliant but I had to insert what I've always thought should have been the endgame for these two. It's not my best work and it's very slightly edited. I just needed to write down the story when my feels are at its peak so I won't forget them, and then post it. This story is still subject for further revision once I have time in my hands. But until then I hope you guys still enjoy it!

**xoxoxo**

There was the usual cool, crisp feel in the air that can only be brought when the dawn had broken, giving way to yet another day. The chirping of the birds was both familiar and comforting, as was the view of the surrounding plain. Early morning sunlight bore down pleasantly upon the grounds, and Steve squinted slightly at its rays, making the already defined lines around his eyes even more prominent. But he drank the sight in, just as he did every chance he got, which, frankly, was almost everyday now. Today was no different, sitting at the back porch of his humble abode, drinking a mug of chamomile tea. After all, it was such a beautiful day out. Then again, that's how it had always been for a very long time.

He heard the sound of footsteps from inside the house before the back door opened, revealing a slightly elderly, beautiful woman with wavy, dark hair. "Hey dad? Someone's here to see you." And she stepped aside, making way for his surprise visitor. Who it was, though, wasn't at all surprising to Steve. He had expected it in the last months after he came back to his original present.

Clint stepped out into the threshold and gave him a once-over, a wide smile spreading across his face. "Well I heard it from the others. Had to see it for myself before I really get the idea in my head, but man, you look..." He gestured to Steve, shaking his head in awed disbelief.

"I know. I look like an old man," Steve said, resigned but unable to keep his own smile on his lips.

Clint walked slowly towards the wooden bench, stopping in front of his former teammate. His gaze turned fond as he took in the years and years of story told in Steve Rogers's - not Captain America's - face, before saying softly, "Nah, you look like the guy you were supposed to be all those years ago."

Surprise flickered briefly in those same blue eyes, before Steve pursed his lips at the unexpected onslaught of emotions that bubbled up inside him. He said nothing, but his grateful expression said it all.

"Great to see you, Steve."

"It's great to see an old friend." And they hugged. It was nice to be reunited with someone familiar, someone who had shared his experiences, as well as the pains and losses that had come with them, and see them safe and sound and well. Or at least as well as time and the amount of pain they'd gone through would allow.

When they broke apart, Clint sat down next to him. They regarded each other with the old, nostalgic feeling of having someone always looking out for you. "So, how are you, Cap?"

Steve gave a rueful smile. "I should be the one asking you that."

The archer looked like he'd been having a hard time, despite the fact that no more imminent threats - both of this world and from space - had plagued the Earth in a while. Steve knew exactly the reason, and even with the presence of his family and the reprieve brought by his retirement, nothing could take away the pain of the events of the Infinity War.

"Yeah, well, life's much better without having to worry about alien invasions."

The woman, who had gone inside after escorting Clint, came back with a cup of coffee for the latter. Clint thanked her before she left again to give the two some privacy. He watched her go and waited until the door closed before turning to Steve.

"So, a family, huh?"

"Yeah." Steve looked proud and happy, but the sheepish smile kind of like a shy schoolboy from Brooklyn was a strong reminder of the man Clint had once known, had known just half a year ago. And for the first time since he'd met him as a one-hundred-four-year-old man, he saw Steve underneath all the wrinkles and lines. Steve turned his gaze back to the view in front. "I've already given up on the idea after I woke up from the ice. Not in a million years had I imagined it could still happen."

Clint leaned forward and intertwined his fingers, resting his chin on them. He was silent for a moment, looking thoughtful. "Did you know then this was possible?"

"I had no idea, but honestly it didn't occur to me whether it was or wasn't. All I ever wanted then was to be with Peggy. And when I found her, when I finally found a way to go back to her, I decided to stay," Steve said, shrugging. "I guess things just moved on from there. The day I was supposed to return the stones, I didn't come back the way I'd gone. The man in front of you right now came from the past I'd gone to. I didn't return to the present. I just moved along with time, again. Me and everything I've made in my relived past moved on with me to the future. To this present. I know it's selfish of me to change what has already happened. But it's the life I've always wanted. It's the future I wanted and chose for myself. And now, here we are."

Clint nodded in understanding, not the least bit condemning Steve for his meddling with the events of different timelines. He had wished it, too, when he'd lost Laura and his children. He would wish it now, if he could. He swallowed down the lump in his throat. "You did what you had to do, Steve. There's nothing wrong in choosing to be happy. You've been through a lot. We all have."

"Thank you, Clint."

"I'm sorry she had to go much earlier."

Steve sighed. "It was hard and painful, watching her struggle with her memories. But I already knew it would happen. Obviously, knowing it would hadn't really prepared me when it came. But one great - sometimes sad - thing I've learned in life is it's easier to just accept what it has given me if I can't do something about it. I've had my second chance at a time with her. It's more than I'd ever hoped for. Yes, I outlived her by a decade. But I'm not sorry. Peggy lived a good, long life. We did, together. And if there's one good thing about the whole mess with the Infinity Stones, it's that this time, I don't have any more regrets when it came to her."

Clint looked at him, carefully studied the aged, wrinkled face. "And what about your other regrets?"

Steve met his gaze, and smiled sadly. "All my life's regrets ever since I woke up in 2011, I've been able to take care of them in the chance I'd gotten at the life I'd lost. I got to live my life. A full, proper life. Not spent dead to the world under the ice." He took a deep, shuddering breath, his eyes glazing over, going far back into the past that, realistically, wasn't really that much of a past. "But I've never forgotten her. Never."

Clint gave a watery chuckle, knowing who exactly he was talking about. "She's my biggest regret, too. Still coping. Or trying to. It's hard, almost impossible, to live with the guilt, with everything."

Steve looked at him with sympathy. "I'm sorry. To me, it's been several years, and although time didn't make it any less painful for me, it must be like only yesterday for you. I won't even dare to compare, or imagine how terrible of an ordeal this must be for you."

Clint sniffled. "I tried to stop her. But once Nat had got her mind set on something, once she had her priorities straight, she did whatever it takes to see it through. Her priority was saving the whole universe."

"It was. But she couldn't let you die. You had saved her before, given her a second chance. She loved you. But in the time I'd known Natasha, she always made it a business whenever she owed someone something."

Clint laughed mirthlessly. "At what cost? Her life seems like a very high price to pay, Cap."

"You changed her life, Clint," Steve said softly. "I think that in itself is priceless."

Clint stood up abruptly. He walked towards the edge of the porch, overseeing the expanse of field before him. It served as a reminder of Natasha's sacrifice, and the tears he'd been trying to hold back spilled mercilessly from his eyes. God, he missed her so much. It hurt so much knowing she wasn't in this world anymore, and no science, Infinity Stone, or any other supernatural thing could ever bring her back. Natasha was gone, gone to the world, gone to him... and it would stay that way.

But what hurt Clint the most was the fact that Natasha was the one who had wanted so badly to right everything. Steve knew it, too. The miserable, crying woman, who had wanted and worked so hard to help others, those who had been as equally lost as she had been. When everything and everyone around her had fallen apart, she'd tried to keep everything intact. She had a more - if not the most - tragic past among all of them, but she'd always been the one who'd pulled herself together so as to pull everyone else together and back again. Natasha was strong, resilient, brave. She was the core, the heart of the Avengers, both the original six members and everyone that came after. And until the end, she had been a fighter. Yet in the last, greatest moment of her life, she'd died a tragic death. She could've done more. She would've done more. But she didn't even got a proper death.

But, in a way, it also made sense. Ever since Clint had made a different call and saved Natasha, she had strove to become a better person. She had made up for all the horrors and atrocity of her past by saving the world, time and time again. Long before her untimely death, she had been a changed woman. She'd been much stronger than any of them. Natasha had been an amazing person.

"She shouldn't have died. She deserved so much better," Steve said quietly.

"No," Clint agreed. "She shouldn't have. She deserved the whole damn universe. All this," he gestured at the world in front of them, "it's because of her." Clint wished the whole world knew of what Natasha had done for them. But more than anything, he wished for Natasha to be here. To see and enjoy the fruits of what she'd done.

Steve's eyes roamed around his surroundings. "It's one of the reasons why I often come here and look at world. When I first fought HYDRA in 1945, I thought I'd died purging it of its evil. Turned out that day I went under, I'd died for nothing. But this... Natasha's sacrifice, along with Tony's, every single day of my life ever since we defeated Thanos, I can't help thinking her sacrifice has not been in vain. That she's alive, that she's here, in the tranquility of the whole universe. This is her mark. Her legacy. And as long as it's here, she's never gone. Not really."

Silence reigned over them for a few moments as they each got lost in their own thoughts.

After a while, Steve regarded Clint, before asking. "Will you be okay?"

It took a few seconds before Clint answered. "Yeah, I'll be fine." He wiped away at his face before turning back to face Steve. "I needed to get this off my chest. Been trying to hold it in ever since, you know. I'm sorry for not visiting sooner. I guess I just wasn't ready to see everyone yet. Be reminded of her missing. Of her presence, of how she'd changed the lives of the Avengers even before - " Clint trailed off, once again wiping away his tears. "I wasn't ready to see you, honestly. You were the closest to her after I retired. You understood each other better than anyone. I understood her because I spent time with her, I knew her story. But with you... Guess it's because of how similar you two were to each other, which was why you were connected more deeply than what one could have initially assumed."

Steve smiled solemnly. "I've always felt it. I know she had, too. I've always treasured our bond. Her friendship." He paused for a second to regard Clint. "I know it's a lot to carry. I'm glad you decided to talk to me about her."

"I needed someone who loved her as much as I did," Clint said knowingly. Steve took a steadying breath as his expression turned solemn, but otherwise didn't say anything. "I know, you couldn't love her in that way. At least not fully. You loved but one woman in your entire life. She did love you, though. She didn't tell me. I just knew." Clint smiled sadly as his gaze strayed into a far away distance. "I'm glad she had you, when I couldn't be there for her. To tell the truth, you're the main reason why I became more at ease with retiring and leaving Natasha alone. When I saw you two together, as partners, and when she talked about you, I knew then she was in good hands."

A certain emotion passed Steve's eyes, not unlike the one he had that day she said goodbye in the cemetery, proof that some good things must come to an end. "She was... special. In one and many ways. Nothing has changed."

They stayed silent for a few moments after before Clint finally looked up again. "I gotta go."

"I appreciate you coming here, Clint, really. And thank you, for giving me this. I needed some closure, no matter what form it is," Steve said sincerely. Clint nodded. He walked towards the door and was about to open the it when Steve spoke again. "If Natasha had been alive, I would've come back. I wouldn't be able to just leave her." It was a long time ago, but there was the unmistakable conviction in Steve's voice, as though he was entirely certain of his words. "If she - if we had been given more time, I probably would have ended up marrying her."

A sad smile graced Clint's lips. It was a comforting, happy thought, but it was also sad as hell. "Well then, it's nice to know she would've had a good life."

"She had lived a good, fulfilling life. Wherever she is right now, she must also be thinking the same. I know it."

Clint's smile became a bit brighter. "You always do." Then he nodded to him and walked back inside the house.

Steve turned his gaze back to the plain. The lush green grass, the clear, blue sky, everything the universe had to offer in exchange for them saving it. The earth was truly a beautiful place. He was glad to have had protected and avenged it.

He could feel the end coming, had felt it ever since he arrived again at this timeline. But he had almost no regrets. Just one. But as they said, you can't have everything in life. And not everything gets to be a happy ending for everyone. He thought of Peggy. And he thought of her. Of the first and last time he had ever said goodbye to her.

Fifty years ago, he'd returned the Infinity Stones to their proper timelines. Vormir had been the second to the last place he'd gone to, both wanting and fearing to be in the place where he'd lost her for good. He hadn't expected to meet the Red Skull again as the guardian of the Soul Stone. But at the time, his grief was too overwhelming to worry about anything else. He'd tried to bring her back, just as Bruce had requested, but mostly because he himself wanted - needed - her. He'd asked his former arch-nemesis, but he'd been told that with them retrieving the Soul Stone prior, Natasha's soul had been the ultimate sacrifice. There had been no way to undo what had already been done and fulfilled. And Steve's greatest regret laid in the fact that Natasha had deemed herself to be the one whose life had been supposed to sacrificed because she had nothing to live for, because Steve had failed to show her enough that she had him. She always had. And so with the heaviest of hearts, Steve had thrown the Soul Stone back into the abyss, to where it belonged. Until such time that it was needed once again, and it would take another unfortunate soul in exchange of possession for it.

That was when the thought of leaving the past behind had occurred to him. He'd felt he had done everything he could for the sake of everyone else. All of them had, and Steve had known that the rest had also desired a more... meaningful life. Something that didn't have to do with people they barely knew, but rather, more of a search for another purpose that served them in a more personal way. The world had been safe, everyone would've had gone their own, separate ways, and Natasha had gone. There had been really no reason for him to stay, to go back to the world he'd been thrown into without his knowledge or consent. He'd had a good reason to go to his original life, though. And so he had.

And maybe he would meet Natasha again soon. Maybe bid a proper farewell. Or maybe... give a greeting and receive a warm, much anticipated 'welcome back' in return. It was a comforting thought, the same kind of comfort he'd always gotten when she'd been beside him through all of the up and downhill trudge of everything they had shared and experienced together. Fighting alongside one another in every single battle, in the silent reprieves in the nights they'd been fortunate enough to have had, and even until the end of the world and beyond.

Steve closed his eyes against the bright sunlight, shut his eyes to the world he had appreciated so much more since the war of the universe had drawn to a close. He too, lived a fulfilling life. And a very long time it had been, indeed.

Later, the woman would come out to the porch to check on his father, to find him sitting in the exact, same place he claimed for months on end just to watch life on Earth moving on continuously with time, looking content and happy in his eternal sleep.

At long last.


End file.
